


Life Without You

by HiddenObscurial



Series: mcu one-shots [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, Grief/Mourning, I REPEAT: ENDGAME SPOILERS, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, endgame spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-18 13:39:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18700723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiddenObscurial/pseuds/HiddenObscurial
Summary: Peter doesn’t know where to go, now that Tony is gone.





	Life Without You

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the first two thirds of this before endgame (sadly predicted Tony’s death, rip Tony), so it’s not the most canon-compliant although I did try to edit it to make it fit better.

Peter wakes up in an unfamiliar bed.

The first thing that hits him is the aching. Every part of his body hurts, although he can feel the pain slowly ebbing away - his enhanced healing is kicking in. 

Blinking open his eyes, he sees the white ceiling above him, the electrical lights glaringly bright. He tries to sit up, and a hand gently helps him prop himself up against the pillows. 

“I’m glad you’re alright, kid,” Happy says. 

Peter looks around him. He’s in a hospital, he realises. “Where am I? New York?”

“Yeah. I’ll go get your aunt. Stay put here, alright?” 

Happy leaves the room, and comes back with May a few minutes later. 

“Oh, Peter, I was so worried...” May leans down and hugs him tightly. “You collapsed after the fight, and we thought we’d lost you...”

The memories come flooding back now - walking through the portal to get back to Earth with Strange, swinging across the battlefield with the gauntlet in his arms, the blinding flash of light before the enemy turned to dust around him...

_Tony._

The image of Tony slumped against the pile of rubble, staring blankly at a point somewhere behind Peter is burned into his mind. He remembers the way Tony’s eyes flickered towards him, just for a second, as he sobbed and grabbed Tony and shook him, trying to make him just _stay_ -

He knows the answer to his question, but he asks it anyway. “Is Mr. Stark...?”

His aunt gives him a pained look, before glancing up towards Happy, then looking back down at him. 

“I’m sorry, Peter. He- He didn’t make it.” 

Peter just stares at her numbly. 

May squeezes his hand. “He’s gone, Peter. He sacrificed himself to save everyone else.” 

He looks up at May, a lump starting to form in his throat. He can see it almost like it’s happening in front of him - he’s pulled aside by Rhodey as Pepper kneels down to talk to Tony one last time. He doesn’t hear most of what Pepper says to him because he’s sobbing, but he does catch her quiet, “You can rest now.” And then Tony’s arc reactor light goes out, and his head falls to the side, and his eyes go glassy, and just like that, he’s _gone._

May hugs him again, and he buries his face in her shoulder as the weight of her words hits him, and he starts to cry. 

_It’s all my fault,_ he thinks. _Tony’s gone because of me._

-

Tony’s funeral is held a few days later. 

Happy drives him there from the hospital, and he sits quietly in the front row as he watches the Avengers go up, one by one, and give their eulogies. He barely hears any of it - all he can see through the blur of the tears welling up in his eyes is the casket, laid in front of the crowd. His mind only registers bits and pieces of the speeches - “Tony was a good friend to me...” “Tony was one of the bravest people I know...” “Tony gave his life for all of us to be here today...” 

And then, it’s his turn to go up and talk. He clutches the paper in his hands tightly as he reads the speech he had prepared. 

“In the beginning, Mr. Stark was an idol to me. He was someone I looked up to since I was a kid. I’m not sure if he ever knew this, but he’s saved my life once before this - when I was six, at the Stark Expo, he saved me from one of the crazy drones going around. Then, afterwards, he became something more - he was like a mentor. He worked with me in the lab and helped me work on my suit. He was the one that made me an Avenger.” 

Peter swallowed hard before continuing. “But most importantly, Mr. Stark was almost like a father to me. He was the closest thing I had to a dad after my Uncle Ben died. We watched my favourite movies together, even though he didn’t care about my movies. He picked up my call at two a.m. once, when I was out on patrol, and he came immediately when I needed some help. He cared so much about me.”

Peter looked up from his script, and glanced over at the casket, with Tony’s picture placed on a stand in front of it. The tears start to fall, but he manages to get one last sentence in before the floodgates open. 

“So... Tony, if you’re out there... Thank you, for everything.” 

-

Peter doesn’t want to believe he’s gone forever. He _can’t_ be. 

He lies in bed each night and takes out his phone. It‘s a habit he had somehow fallen into, after Homecoming. Get home from school. Do his homework. Go out on patrol. Come back home. Lie in bed. _Call Mr. Stark._

Tony was always still up when he got back from patrol, no matter how late. Not that he has gone on patrol since the Endgame. 

He scrolls down his contact list on his phone, and dials Tony’s number. 

He knows what’s going to happen, but he does it anyway. 

The phone rings - once, twice, thrice - and then it goes dead. It always goes dead now.

He calls again, and listens to the phone ring.

Tony would have picked up by now. 

-

Everything reminds him of Tony. On every single social media platform, the hashtag “#ThankYouTonyStark” is trending, coupled with hundreds of Tony’s pictures in black and white. The sidewalks of New York are lined with flowers and candles and notes and replicas of his red and gold mask. The one time he tries to go swinging, all he can see is the chalk messages scratched into the sidewalk:

_“We miss you, Tony Stark.”_

_“Thanks for everything, Iron Man.”_

_“Thank you, Tony Stark.”_

He can’t even bear to look at the news, because Tony’s face is plastered all over on the headlines - _Tony Stark dies in battle against Thanos_. 

Peter hasn’t gone out on patrol for almost two weeks since the battle that everyone now calls the Endgame. He knows Tony would want him to get a grip on himself and move on, but how can he, when Tony is gone?

-

It’s almost two months after the funeral that he finally gets the courage to go over to Tony’s house to see Morgan. 

He’s greeted by Pepper, who places a hand on his shoulder and smiles gently. “Morgan’s in the basement; she’s playing around with Tony’s old stuff in the main lab.”

The gesture - or perhaps the place he’s in, he’s not sure which - reminds him so much of Tony, and he just nods numbly before stepping into the elevator. 

FRIDAY greets him once the doors close. “Hello, Peter, it’s good to see you. I have been asked to inform you that there is something for you the private lab, would you like to go take a look?” 

Peter frowns. He can’t think of anything that anyone could have left for him.

“Yeah, sure, take me there,” he says, and FRIDAY brings the elevator to a stop at the basement floor.

He steps out into the main lab, and sees Morgan sitting on the ground near a few boxes of Tony’s old inventions, playing with a small repulsor gauntlet that Tony must have made for her. 

After saying hello to Morgan, he pushes the door to the private lab open, and looks around. There’s nothing out of place, other than a note on the wall next to a button. “ _For Peter -T.S.”,_ reads the note. 

“Tony...?” Peter whispers. He closes the door behind him before pressing the button. 

There’s the whir of pistons moving in the walls, and then, a chunk of the wall slides away, revealing a brand-new Spider-Man suit. 

He isn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.

He puts down his backpack on the ground, and takes the suit off its rack, quickly putting it on. 

The display inside his mask lights up, but he can’t seem to see out of it. _Maybe Tony never got to finish it,_ he thinks, a pang of sadness hitting him in the chest. There’s only black across the entire screen, until-

“Hey, kid, it’s me.” The video comes to life on his screen, and his breath hitches. Tony is standing in his workshop in the now-destroyed Avengers facility, and bits and pieces he recognises are part of the suit he’s wearing now are scattered on the table in front of him. 

“If you’re hearing this, I’m glad you’re alright. I don’t really know where I’m going with this message, but I just wanted to leave something for you, you know?” Tony says, his hands fidgeting with a loose part from the table. “We’re leaving tomorrow to reverse that stupid Snap, and I’m not sure if I’ll make it back. Well, I guess if you’re hearing this, I probably didn’t.”

Peter stands, stock-still, listening to Tony, trying to catch every word he says.

“Anyway, what I wanted to say was... I love you, kid. I should’ve told you that- made that clear, while you were still around. I know this doesn’t cut it - I was an idiot and never said it to you in person - but I hope when you play this back, it’ll be in a somewhat normal version of the planet. I hope we got everyone back. Go out there, go live your life, and know that I’ll always be with you. No matter what.”

The video ends. 

He stands in the middle of the room numbly, his thoughts not catching up to him until a minute later. _Tony said he loves me._

As the tears start to fall, he presses the button on the inside of his wrist, and retracts his mask. He’s not sure how long he stays in the room, his body wracked with sobs. It’s only when Morgan knocks on the door, asking in her innocent voice for him to come out and play with her, that he finally pulls himself together and manages to stop.

-

It’s another four months before Peter finally goes on patrol again. Enough time has passed since the Endgame that life has almost returned back to normal - the streets are no longer lined with Tony’s mask and ‘thank you’ notes, the chalk messages on the sidewalks have been washed away by the rain, and the hashtags have died down on social media. 

He runs out into the cool autumn air after school, throws his backpack in an alley, and puts on his new suit for the second time. The screen lights up, showing him all his vitals and cameras and GPS maps. 

And then, he hears, “Hey, kid, good to have you back.” 

_It’s Tony._

The grief isn’t as strong as it was half a year ago, but it’s still there. Peter draws in a breath, too overwhelmed to say anything other than, “Mr. Stark?”

“Yeah, Pete. How was school today? Also, I’ve said this a billion times: call me Tony.” 

When Peter doesn’t reply, Tony- _no, the voice in his suit-_ starts talking again. “Hey, no need to be so shocked. I just programmed my voice into your suit. Okay, maybe I programmed some of me into it too. But it’s just a small thing I did before I left, you know?”

 _Before you left and never came back,_ he thinks. He can feel the lump forming in his throat again, and swallows hard. 

_I’m not gonna cry, not now._

“Kid, you alright?” 

The words finally pull him back into reality. “Yeah... Yeah, I’m good.” 

“According to some folks on twitter, there’s a robbery three blocks down from here. Let’s go get them, Underoos,” Tony says. 

“Yeah- Alright- okay,” Peter replies breathlessly, still in shock from hearing Tony’s voice in his ear after spending the last few months avoiding everything that reminded him of how much he had lost. “Let’s go.”

-

It’s been exactly a year after the Endgame. Peter isn’t sure what he’s supposed to feel. Grief? Or maybe numb? Or just lost?

The only thing he’s sure of is that all he wants is to have Tony here with him today. Being able to talk to the voice in his suit has made him feel less alone, but it’s nothing compared to what he knows could have been - the hours spent in labs, working on their suits, the vlogs and selfies he could have taken, the hugs he could have gotten. 

He finds himself walking through the graveyard, until he sees the headstone bearing Tony’s name. He hasn’t been here since the funeral, and it doesn’t seem like anyone else has.

He sits down in the grass, staring numbly at the words engraved on the headstone. _Anthony Edward Stark, 1970-2023._

He tries to read more, but his vision blurs over with tears.

“Why did you have to leave, Tony?” he whispers, his voice shaking. “Why did it have to be you?” 

The smart-watch on his wrist vibrates, alerting him that he’s displaying symptoms of a panic attack, but he doesn’t care. He had left his earpiece with his suit’s AI built in at home for a reason. 

He can only think of the day that he came back. The day of the Endgame. He tries to stop himself before it gets too much, but the images force their way into his head anyway. 

He can almost see Tony in front of him, limping towards him on the battlefield. He’s talking, telling Tony about the things that had happened between the Snap and walking through Strange’s portals. And then, Tony grabs him tightly, pulling him into a hug. He can hear Tony’s ragged breathing in his ear, and feel Tony’s arms gripping him, almost like he doesn’t want to let go. 

He didn’t realise then that it would be the last time he ever saw Tony alive. 

“I’m sorry, Tony...” He says to the gravestone in front of him, his voice cracking. “I should have done something... I should’ve...” 

Peter isn’t sure how long he sits there, tears streaming down his cheeks. His hands have gone numb in the cold, but he doesn’t care. All he can see in his mind is Tony’s empty eyes and the burns across his face. 

It’s been a year, and he can barely remember what Tony looks like, alive, and the thought of it just makes him cry even harder. 

-

Peter is down in the lab at the new Avengers compound again. It’s nothing like what he used to have when Tony was still around, but it’s good enough for what he needs right now. 

His backup set of web-shooters are lying half-assembled on the table as usual, but he’s not here to work on them today. 

He stands in front of the hologram table, blocks of code and 3D digital renders of models hovering in the air in front of him. 

“FRIDAY? Could you start the program, please?”

“Running program...” FRIDAY replies, and the command boxes in front of him start to fill up. 

Then, the holograms clear away. “Program is now active.”

In front of him, a hologram of Tony flickers to life. 

“Tony? Can you hear me?” Peter asks hesitantly. “I- It’s Peter.” 

Tony’s hologram looks at him and grins. “Hey, kid.”

“It worked,” Peter breathes. “Shit, it actually worked.” 

“Language, kid,” Tony teases. “Good job making this program, by the way; feels great to actually somewhat have a body again.” 

Peter actually manages to smile at that. “It’s good to see you again, Tony.” 

-

It’s almost been two years since the Endgame.

It feels like it’s been so much longer than that.

Peter lies in bed after his patrol. The clock on his bedroom wall says it’s one a.m.

He puts on the web-shooter on his left hand and taps the touchpad. “Tony? You up?”

Tony’s hologram appears over his wrist. “‘Course I am. How was school today?” 

“Same as usual. But I went to Ned’s house afterwards, and we watched the Last Jedi together,” Peter pauses, not sure if he should say it. 

Tony seems to notice his hesitation. “Something’s bothering you. Come on, spill.” 

“I miss you, Tony,” he admits. 

Tony looks at him, an almost wistful expression on his face. 

“I miss you too, kid.”


End file.
